I'm not sure what it is. I may be still traumatized from hospital stay or maybe it's because I lost weight and not really showing at all, plus I can't feel the baby yet and overall I am just a worrier. Plus because of all the bowel issues I'm not taking any pre natal vitamins right now which is OK especially because I am past 12 weeks but I feel guilty for that too. To top it all off I was given the option of all the prenatal screening tests at my next visit where they will screen for spinal issues, Downs and other things that could go wrong. Scott and I first instinct is to get the screening which doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong if the results come back abnormal. I would NEVER even consider terminating if something is wrong but we still want the blood work done. I will get this screening done at my next appointment which is the 23rd of June. I'm just feeling so upset. Like something is going to go wrong. I definitely think it's because of what happened last week. I did get to hear the heartbeat on Tuesday. I am so worried I asked if it sounded normal because it sounded slow to me?? I really think I will feel better when I start to feel the baby moving around. I should be able to feel what everyone calls the "flutters" in 2 weeks or so. I am SO excited. I hope I know what it is when I feel it. The baby is the size of a fist this week!
I just need to quit worrying about everything that could go wrong and think about how exciting its going to be to meet our miracle baby. I told Scott the other night I'm having a hard time believing that we are going to have a healthy baby in 6 months. I just don't see it happening yet. I know this upsets him but I can't help the way I feel. I just want to provide the very best environment for the baby and I want the baby to be as healthy as possible and If I'm always sick how is baby going to grow and be healthy??
My body is finally back to normal I think and I definitely cut back on bad foods. I've cut myself off from cheese completely (hard for me) and I'm trying not to eat alot of carbs. Lots of fruits, veggies, juice and raisin bran. So far so good. I am weening myself off prescription laxative Dr. put me on last week in hospital. I worry about relying on it and I know its not good to take laxative while pregnant (something else that's bothering me) Everyone is offering me tips on what I should take (stool softeners, herbal/natural medications) but I really don;t want to take anything unless its necessary. I want to eat the right foods and see if my body can work properly without taking any medications. (I had enough drugs in hospital to last me the rest of my pregnancy!)
I am going to try and celebrate my miracle more! I just waited so long for this wonderful time in my life and I don;t want anything to happen because I already love this baby more than anything in the world and I will do anything to protect him/her. (I think its a boy!)
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