May 12th was our consult with Dr. Moretuzzo. It went just as I had thought. We basically just told him we were in office little over a year ago, we did 2 rounds of Follistim/IUI with no success and now we ready to do IVF. He explain we would need to some preliminary testing first, then I would be on birth control pills for a month- they keep ovaries calm and prevent any cysts from forming I believe. Then after all that we will start the drugs, do the egg retrieval and embryo transfer.
Sweet. Let's do this.
We had to take a mandatory IVF informational class on May 21st. Before we went I didn't think I was going to learn anything I didn't already know. But I was wrong. I learned a lot more details about what the eggs are suppose to do each day after they are retrieved/before they are transferred. I also learned some other things I can't remember right now but I wrote down for later. Yes I took notes!
My other instructions after our consult was to call on day 1 of my cycle to schedule a saline ultrasound. My period decides to be 6 days late. (Thanks for that extra emotional roller coaster and money wasted on pregnancy tests!!) I go in for saline ultrasound on June 6th. In Nov. of 2012 I had same type of ultrasound and Moretuzzo told me my uterus was a perfect triangle :). This time- my uterus did not look perfect. It had a "shadow" on it. He wants to investigate further before we move forward with IVF because he said it can interfere with transfer/attachment. So.... on June 27th I am getting a Hysteroscopy. He explained it could be a polyp, a growth(?), or it was just a shadow on ultrasound. He will remove it if need be and then we will go from there. He put me on birth control already to prevent me from ovulating and keep my uterine lining thin. I'm nervous more about the whole anesthesia process- it freaks me out. And I hate waiting when I don't want to do something- just want to get it over with. And I hate not knowing what's going on. Will the IVF be postponed? What if it's something serious? How much is this going to cost us? The list goes on and on.
Scott went for his analysis on Tuesday. They do a more detailed, in depth sperm analysis for IVF. So not sure when we will get those results.
In addition to all that I had a phone conversations with financial person who works with RGI (Reproductive Gynecology, Inc.) She gave me a heart attac, oh I mean the breakdown of costs we should expect and when- throughout this whole process.
Everything seems pretty organized at this point. Except for what's happening in my brain. Carter wants a "brother" so bad. We've been keeping him kind of in the circle about most of this. I basically told him I'm going to go to Dr. to see if my "belly is still broke", if it's not broke I'm going to try and grow a baby, if my belly can't grow a baby we will start the adoption steps again. He always says he wished we had "more kids". It really is heartbreaking to hear your only child say that and you want the same exact thing. But I just remind him how special he is- that he was the only one who got to grow in my belly before it "broke". I hope I am saying the right things... You wonder that a lot when you a parent.
Well that's it for now. Two weeks from today I will be on my way to Canfield Surgery Center to get this mystery spot in my uterus solved.
A quote I read in a magazine that I later discovered John Lennon said:
"It will all be OK in the end, if its not OK, then its not the end" Love this!!!
Friday, June 13, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
The Never Ending Blog!!
Holy smokes. Will this blog ever end?? Lots has happened since last March. Here's the short of it. I sold all of my Carter's baby items except his crib and rocking horse. It was painful but it had to be done. I needed to heal and ridding my basement of all the baby stuff did help me. Then, I started to run. Thanks to my marathon running friend Jesi. I used running to set accomplishable goals for myself. I wanted to run my first 5K before my 10th wedding anniversary (Aug. 23rd). I ended up running two 5K's before I turned 32 (July 28th). Ran a third in Nov.! It helped me tremendously. It felt good wanting to do something and succeeding at it with hard work!
We lost our Saint Bernard in in Nov. 2013. It was really, really difficult putting her down. She lost all function in her legs. It was one of the worst moments in my life that I will never, ever forget. Some time passed and Scott tells me he is ready to start process of adoption (Gracie's passing had a lot to do with his readiness to adopt). We explore 3 agencies and choose NOAS- Northeast Ohio Adoption Service. We choose to adopt older child because
A. Adopting an infant from private agency is expensive. REALLY EXPENSIVE! and
B. If I wanted an infant (which I kept saying I didn't) I would just go back to RE and that was something I was not willing to do- financially or emotionally.
Scott and I spent pretty much all weekends in March 2014 taking 36 hours of pre-placement adoption classes. Here they prepare you for parenting an adopted child and explain what kind of situations/circumstances these kids come from and how they might act out because of these situations. It wasn't fun. Not fun at all. After classes were over we set up our first home study visit. Our appointed social worker came one morning in May. We talked, she handed us a mountain of paperwork, she toured the house, etc. and we rescheduled our 2nd visit for a few weeks later. After she left I had a epic melt down. I thought to myself. I'm not cut out for this! I feel like I'm crazy for doing this! What if I'm making a huge mistake? What if I'm going to ruin my marriage? What if I'm going to expose Carter to dangerous, explicit behaviors?
I thought of all these questions before this home visit and they never stopped me from moving forward with the adoption but now they were.
I also felt like going back to the RE and putting my feet in stirrups would be less invasive than the process of conducting a family assessment/home study. Something just didn't feel right. So I called our worker and was honest. She was really sweet and appreciative of my honesty with her. I told her we contemplating going back to RE. She understood, didn't make me feel guilty/bad, wished us luck and said she will be there if and when we ready.
Through all this- Scott and I are on same page. This is why he is my best friend. We come to conclusion that we are never going to be 100% ready to adopt until we do IVF. I am almost 33. We don't have tons of time. There are risks with both Adoption and IVF. At this point in our lives we would rather take the IVF risk. We both yearn to see another creation of our love for one another.
OK. Now what? Rob a bank? How the heck are we coming up with the money for IVF???? I know! I know! Remember this commercial a long time ago?"...up to my eyeballs". This is how we feel about trying to grow our family.
Bottom line is here: NO amount of money is worth our happiness or piece of mind. I would of paid 4x's the amount I spent to get Carter here.
$15,000 is my lifetime (I WILL live to 100) is just a "dent", a "bump", a "hiccup". But right now on June 12, 2014- it feels like Mount Everest! And I'm really nervous to climb!
We lost our Saint Bernard in in Nov. 2013. It was really, really difficult putting her down. She lost all function in her legs. It was one of the worst moments in my life that I will never, ever forget. Some time passed and Scott tells me he is ready to start process of adoption (Gracie's passing had a lot to do with his readiness to adopt). We explore 3 agencies and choose NOAS- Northeast Ohio Adoption Service. We choose to adopt older child because
A. Adopting an infant from private agency is expensive. REALLY EXPENSIVE! and
B. If I wanted an infant (which I kept saying I didn't) I would just go back to RE and that was something I was not willing to do- financially or emotionally.
Scott and I spent pretty much all weekends in March 2014 taking 36 hours of pre-placement adoption classes. Here they prepare you for parenting an adopted child and explain what kind of situations/circumstances these kids come from and how they might act out because of these situations. It wasn't fun. Not fun at all. After classes were over we set up our first home study visit. Our appointed social worker came one morning in May. We talked, she handed us a mountain of paperwork, she toured the house, etc. and we rescheduled our 2nd visit for a few weeks later. After she left I had a epic melt down. I thought to myself. I'm not cut out for this! I feel like I'm crazy for doing this! What if I'm making a huge mistake? What if I'm going to ruin my marriage? What if I'm going to expose Carter to dangerous, explicit behaviors?
I thought of all these questions before this home visit and they never stopped me from moving forward with the adoption but now they were.
I also felt like going back to the RE and putting my feet in stirrups would be less invasive than the process of conducting a family assessment/home study. Something just didn't feel right. So I called our worker and was honest. She was really sweet and appreciative of my honesty with her. I told her we contemplating going back to RE. She understood, didn't make me feel guilty/bad, wished us luck and said she will be there if and when we ready.
Through all this- Scott and I are on same page. This is why he is my best friend. We come to conclusion that we are never going to be 100% ready to adopt until we do IVF. I am almost 33. We don't have tons of time. There are risks with both Adoption and IVF. At this point in our lives we would rather take the IVF risk. We both yearn to see another creation of our love for one another.
OK. Now what? Rob a bank? How the heck are we coming up with the money for IVF???? I know! I know! Remember this commercial a long time ago?"...up to my eyeballs". This is how we feel about trying to grow our family.
Bottom line is here: NO amount of money is worth our happiness or piece of mind. I would of paid 4x's the amount I spent to get Carter here.
$15,000 is my lifetime (I WILL live to 100) is just a "dent", a "bump", a "hiccup". But right now on June 12, 2014- it feels like Mount Everest! And I'm really nervous to climb!
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