Broken heart

Sometimes after we put Carter to bed he calls us back in his room and tells us he misses the babies. It's heartbreaking but I can usually calm him down and stay relatively calm myself. I offer Liam's Molly Bear (still waiting on Nathan's) to sleep with or their blankets from the hospital to help him feel better and feel close to his brothers. He says no to these things so I started offering a picture of them. He says yes to the picture and I hang it on his wall for the night. Tonight he said something that was new and absolutely broke my heart. "I wish they were in the next room sleeping and I wish I could wake up and see them in the morning". I lost it. I can't take seeing him hurt. It's way worse than my own hurt. I feel so bad for him, for what he has experienced, for what he knows, for what he's missing, for the fact he hates being an only child. I don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do. I can't belive this happened.

Meaningful Music

I listen to Christian Radio all the time. Especially in the car. It helps me stay focused and keep the right perspective in mind. I posted links to two songs that really mean a lot to me. The video for "Broken Together" depicts a divorced couple but I still connect it to Scott and I.
"Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we'll last forever is broken together"
I remember being in the hospital the night Nathan died. We were waiting until morning so I could have the c section and one of the things I kept repeating to Scott was- We still get to be husband and wife. We still get to be husband and wife. We still get to be husband and wife.
I know we both didn't want to live that night- But we made it through that night and 140 more nights since.

"I'll Keep On" by NF

and

"Broken Together" by Casting Crowns