It's been rough

Well,
I can honestly say I'm either sick, pregnant, or reacting to all the meds that I've been on. I had to leave work last Wednesday at 1:30pm because I was bent over with pain, cramps and pressure. I've NEVER felt anything like that before and I just figured it was because I was ovulating with multiple eggs possibly... I called off work last Thursday- went to see RE and got some blood work done to make sure I didn't have an infection (and I didn't thank goodness). The cramping got alot better from Wednesday to Thursday. Friday I was feeling almost OK until after work. I got a "restless leg like" pain in both of my legs and could not get relief from it. We went out to eat and I kept stretching out my legs to see if that would help- it didn't. I had it all weekend and Sunday night it started to get REALLY bad. Yesterday and today the achy pain had travel to my lower back mainly and I've had a headache since waking up this morning. Now- I wouldn't be complaining so much about all of this but I have not taken any medication for these symptoms and that is the hardest part. I did take one Tylenol last Wednesday night because I couldn't take it anymore but I haven't taken anything since then (just to be safe). I started progesterone supplements on Friday so i thought that may of been the reason for the achy legs and back. I called RE today and he said it's not from the progesterone. He's not sure what it's from?? This is going to be the longest week of my life... If I knew I was dealing with all these pains for a reason I would not care one bit about dealing with them. But if I'm not pregnant I am going to seriously contemplate whether to do injectibles again or not because all of this is getting to be too much. I know there is something going on inside my body- I just hope it's what I've been praying for for 20months...

Laying eggs hurts!

So, it's done. I'm inseminated. We dropped off sperm sample at 7am this morning- Came back to the office around 7:50 and I was out of the office by 8:20. Wow- its amazingly so simple and so huge at the same time. Progesterone supplements will begin this Friday and I go back to RE's office in a "while" to get a pregnancy test. RE said I have to take progesterone supplements to balance out my high estrogen level. 40 million swimmers this round. Not a record for us but still a good number. I'm having some major pressure and pain right now- which I like because I'm a "No pain- No gain" kinda person. I'm just nervous- not nervous about having 3 or more eggs fertilized anymore, but nervous about no eggs fertilizing. Here comes the hardest part- w a i t i n g....

Decisions

How the tables can turn. It's my fault for calling my ovaries stubborn.... When I went to RE's today I did my normal procedure- blood work and ultra sound. In the middle of the ultra sound I was looking at the screen and made a comment like "wow, this doesn't look like it did when I was on Clomid" Re didn't say much in reply and I started to feel uncomfortable. Then when he was done I started to ask about taking progesterone after the IUI and neither the RE or the nurse answered me. They just said to get dressed and meet them in the nurse's office. I started to feel confused and nervous

I have 5 potential follicles. Which means in retrospect 5 potential babies. The odds are slim but I must know what I'm dealing with. With Clomid I had 2-3 potential follicles at the most- so the response with injections was much better but also much riskier. So we can either take the gamble and still do the IUI or just skip this cycle and not do IUI because of the potential of 2-5 multiples. I asked RE what he thought I should do- he said I should talk to my husband and figure out if it came down to it if "selective reduction" would be something we'd be willing to consider. (He also said in his whole career he has only seen two women have to opt for selective reduction) http://www.asrm.org/Patients/FactSheets/Multiple_Gestation-Fact.pdf This is a touchy subject, as I've just learned, among woman trying to conceive. I wouldn't want to do this unless it was absolutely medically necessary. Unless another baby's life or my life depended on it. I wouldn't do it just because I didn't want the extra work/risks/involvement of multiples. If I was able to carry 5 babies without the chance of my one of the babies or myself dying then I would carry 5 babies....Here's what else ran through my head.

I of course don't want to have 3-5 babies at once if I can help it because of all the risks involved but if I don't do this I don't want to always wonder if I had gone through with it- would it of been my month- my time- my sign? Did I pass up the chance to achieve my dream? I know I'm young, and there is supposedly nothing medically wrong with Scott and I. I also know the risks of carrying multiples for myself and for my babies but why do we make the decisions we make? Its been 18months and no sign of pregnancy what so ever.... Even with as many as 3 follicles. There no guarantee this month that all 5 follicles will release an egg and no guarantee that if 5 eggs were released that all 5 would fertilize. We decided to start infertility treatments for a reason- we've made it this far- we invested so much time, effort, energy, emotion, faith, hope, and love into this. What's meant to happen will happen. I have faith in God that whatever happens in 2 weeks whether its a negative or a positive with 1, 2 or 3 (or more...) babies- we can handle it.

So the decision was made after hours of trying to 2nd guess my gut feeling (which was always to go for it) We will do the Ovidrel injection tonight between 10-11pm then the IUI (intrauterine insemination) will be done this Wednesday morning.
http://www.fertilitylifelines.com/serono/products/ovidrel/index.jsp
I am excited and scared. I hope this is it for me. I feel like I am making the right decision and whatever happens from here is in God's hands. I am learning to trust Him again and in some odd way I feel like this may be another test for me. A test of my Faith and Trust in God to take care of me no matter what the outcome may be.

"Sandbagish"

This is how I described my ovaries to my Dr. when he asked how my ovaries were doing. He laughed and said he's going to use that word now... My follicles are progressing but progressing slowly which is not abnormal. I had 3-4 potentials on the right and 1 on the left. He said I needed a few more days. He dropped my dose back down to 150iu for tonight, Saturday and Sunday. Back to RE Monday. The RN said my IUI will be Wed at the very earliest. I am really starting to feel the effects in my lower back and in my ovaries of course- It feels extremely heavy w/ pressure and it gets worse at night (especially my back). I also told Dr. how sad it was that I dreamed about his office last night- probably from being there 3x's this week. The dream I had was with Scott and my family/friends. There was this hot tub in the house we were at and I kept telling Scott not to go in it because it would kill his sperm and he kept insisting it would be OK. I told him I was going to call the Dr. on him if he didn't listen to me! and that's all I remember. Nice- not only do I think about trying to have a baby 24/7, I dream about it now too!

Stubborn ovaries!!

Went back to RE this morning for follicle check and blood work. No potential follies on right and 2 small ones on left. I think my ovaries are stubborn- maybe because I'm a Leo? or maybe because my body doesn't respond to medication usually- any medication- not just fertility meds. I swear if Scott and I take the same kind of med- it effects him way more than it effects me... I've always thought this- I think I need more of a dose of medication based on my height and weight. Who knows??? So Dr. increased my injection dose to 225 iu for tonight and Thursday and back to RE Friday for more blood work and folly scan.

I am so sick of needles (and ultra sounds) right now you have no idea...

Not too much to report.

Injections have been going just fine. I went to RE office this morning for a follicle scan and blood work to check my estrogen level (which is a better indication of how well my body is responding to the FSH injections). On the ultra sound I had a few very small follicles on right and left side. I had one bigger follicle that was about 11mm on the right. I think they have to be around 20mm before IUI is performed. I hope I have a few more potential big follicles on Wednesday when i go back to RE office. If I don't- I'm going to feel like these injections were a waste. Ugh. I feel like crap today (and yesterday). I hope these angry/sad feelings go away soon... I usually don't get like this until the end of my cycle. Not sure what's going on with me???