I'm not sure what it is. I may be still traumatized from hospital stay or maybe it's because I lost weight and not really showing at all, plus I can't feel the baby yet and overall I am just a worrier. Plus because of all the bowel issues I'm not taking any pre natal vitamins right now which is OK especially because I am past 12 weeks but I feel guilty for that too. To top it all off I was given the option of all the prenatal screening tests at my next visit where they will screen for spinal issues, Downs and other things that could go wrong. Scott and I first instinct is to get the screening which doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong if the results come back abnormal. I would NEVER even consider terminating if something is wrong but we still want the blood work done. I will get this screening done at my next appointment which is the 23rd of June. I'm just feeling so upset. Like something is going to go wrong. I definitely think it's because of what happened last week. I did get to hear the heartbeat on Tuesday. I am so worried I asked if it sounded normal because it sounded slow to me?? I really think I will feel better when I start to feel the baby moving around. I should be able to feel what everyone calls the "flutters" in 2 weeks or so. I am SO excited. I hope I know what it is when I feel it. The baby is the size of a fist this week!
I just need to quit worrying about everything that could go wrong and think about how exciting its going to be to meet our miracle baby. I told Scott the other night I'm having a hard time believing that we are going to have a healthy baby in 6 months. I just don't see it happening yet. I know this upsets him but I can't help the way I feel. I just want to provide the very best environment for the baby and I want the baby to be as healthy as possible and If I'm always sick how is baby going to grow and be healthy??
My body is finally back to normal I think and I definitely cut back on bad foods. I've cut myself off from cheese completely (hard for me) and I'm trying not to eat alot of carbs. Lots of fruits, veggies, juice and raisin bran. So far so good. I am weening myself off prescription laxative Dr. put me on last week in hospital. I worry about relying on it and I know its not good to take laxative while pregnant (something else that's bothering me) Everyone is offering me tips on what I should take (stool softeners, herbal/natural medications) but I really don;t want to take anything unless its necessary. I want to eat the right foods and see if my body can work properly without taking any medications. (I had enough drugs in hospital to last me the rest of my pregnancy!)
I am going to try and celebrate my miracle more! I just waited so long for this wonderful time in my life and I don;t want anything to happen because I already love this baby more than anything in the world and I will do anything to protect him/her. (I think its a boy!)
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
A nightmare of a week
I got released from St. Elizabeth's hospital just yesterday. I had a partial bowel obstruction and I have to say it was hands down the worst experience of my life. When I was four years old I had a full blown bowel obstruction where my small intestine telescoped into my large and I had to get surgery immediately and wear colostomy bag for months while my intestine healed. Now I'm sure that was the worse thing I have ever been through but I am so grateful not to have many memories of this time.
Here's what happened this past week. Sat May 17th. My stomach started to hurt and I was nauseous towards end of night and I knew I needed to go bathroom so I ate a little bit of salad for dinner. I was up all night in pain and dry heaving and gagging. I tried stool softeners and a liquid laxative that the pharmacist said was safe- nothing worked. I really thought it would pass but it didn't so we went to St. E's ER. My bowel sounds were never checked, I never got a rectal exam. I was given IV for dehydration and probably something for nausea (can't remember?) I did end up vomiting at the hospital and remember feeling a little better for a while. To make sure baby was OK I was given the pleasure of having my very first catheter put in so they could fill my bladder with fluid for an ultrasound. Baby was OK. I then gave myself a enema and it produced nothing out of my system. I think when we left there 8 hours later I was given the diagnosis or impacted bowel or constipation? So we went home and Monday rolls around and I'm still in extreme pain after more stool softeners, apple juice, and gas x. We decided to go to another branch of St. E's closer to home. As soon as I we got there I started vomiting again and when the Dr. came in to check me (she did check bowel sounds) she said I have upper bowel obstruction. I almost died inside. We were asked what surgeon we wanted called. Then was told I will be having a tube down my nose to stomach to relieve pressure and force bowels to relax. I really didn't know how bad it was going to be. I was hoping i was going to be under. I wasn't. The nurse tried in each nostril and each time my instinct was to yank it out because I couldn't breath and was choking and gagging. There was blood all over and I told her there no way I can do it and I am going to refuse the tube. Scott, my mom and in-laws were all there trying to get me to agree to let them try again. they kept pushing and pushing and finally I got so pissed off I told them fine and just leave me alone. So it took 2 nurse and 1 Dr. to get that God forsaken tube in my nose down my throat and into my stomach. It was the absolute worse feeling and experience of my 26 years of existence. I can't explain how this feels. I never, ever thought I would have it in for almost 3 days.
I was admitted to St. E's late Monday night and almost ripped that tube out several times. I wasn't doing it because I didn't want to get better I was doing it because when it made me gag I was not able to breath - and it is just instict. They loaded me up with Phenegren. I drug that curbs nausea. I had an allergic reaction that made me have convulsions every few seconds. I remember thinking what I was doing was not right. I was trying to tell Scott something was wrong but I was in a weird state of mind. I think I was loaded up on Benadryl too- not sure but I couldn't control my arms and upper body. I didn't know what was going on. At one point I heard the nurses talking to Scott saying that it was happening because i was trying to fight off going to sleep. I knew that wasn't the case but it was hard for me to talk. I thought I was going to have a seizure. Scott later told me he demanded they call the OB/GYN my midwife works with and ask if it is a side effect of the drug- he said no. Scott then demanded they call someone else. They called the pharmacist and he or she said it was a side effect. Finally around 5 0r 6am I think it wore off. Everything is still such a blur.
Tuesday rolls around and a few residents come in around 5:30am I think. I was taken to get a sonogram of gallbladder. Everything OK. That day I couldn't even get out of bed to go to bathroom. I had a bedpan and nurses wiping me. Ugh- just horrible... I remember the OB coming in and the surgeon telling me I wasn't getting tube out that day and just being so frustrated. It hurt to talk, swallow, walk, sleep- with a tube going down your nose in your throat into your stomach. And to physically see all the "crap" coming out of your stomach- being sucked out- I still have flashbacks. And I can still feel that damn tube in my throat. I can't do that again. I just can't.
Wednesday comes along and I finally got clearance to yank the tube. Music to my ears. At this point I was starting to get hungry which was a good sign. As soon as the nurse made sure my stomach was empty- she pulled out what seemed like 5 feet of tube from my nose and I can't even explain what that felt like- the relief was astounding. I immediately felt better. I felt free. I couldn't wait to swallow, talk, sleep, and move around without gagging! I was ordered to walk continuously all day to get bowels moving. I was also allowed to drink liquids and chew on gum. I think I was given a suppository or two which worked a little but I still knew my system wasn't right. Later that night I was given a drug all Regulin to help my stomach or nausea? That drug made me feel like I was going to jump out of my skin. i couldn't sit still- I kept moving around and fidgeting. I was scared. i didn't want another allergic reaction. I nurse gave me more Benadryl which made me feel so dizzy and "out of my body" but it did calm me down. Later I found out my cousin had the same exact reaction to that medication.
After my tube came out Dr. Gady the surgeon came in and said if I vomit I'm going to OR tomorrow for surgery. Great...
No vomit and Thursday rolls around. I was allowed to eat- after 4 full days of no food. I was hungry but scared to eat. I think I had another suppository and a enema. It worked a little but I still felt like something was wrong. But with no food for 4 days, a NG tube in my stomach for 3 of those days and all the trauma I was feeling emotionally I really didn't know how I was supposed to feel.
I got released Thursday afternoon and put on a prescription laxative. I am leaving out alot of details but I can't possibly write everything in this blog. All I know I was so worried about baby the whole time. With not eating and all the drugs and stress I asked every nurse to try and find heartbeat with doppler. 2 nurses tried and failed to find it. One resident who was working with the surgeon went to school with Scott and he treated us so nice. He was gracious enough to get the doppler and try and find the heartbeat himself. (It's amazing how much faster things get done/delivered when a Dr. asked for them) He found it right away! More music to my ears. That was Thursday- the day I was released.
I've never seen Scott so upset (And my parents and my in-laws). I feel horrible for putting everyone through that. I hope to not step foot in St. E's again unless I am 40+ weeks pregnant and ready to meet my long awaited miracle baby. Thank you to everyone who visited me and stayed by my side through this. I needed every one's stength that week. Scott is such a blessing. The way he cares about me and will do absolutely anything for me makes me want to marry him again and again- everyday. "Through sickness and health..." Can we get to the health part already????
Well, I am physically getting back to normal. Emotionally I am terrified I am going to have to do that again. I hope this pregnancy is smooth sailing from here. I don't feel so confident but one day at a time!
I have an appointment with midwife in 30mins. Hopefully she can calm my nerves bit. I know hearing the peach's heartbeat will help.
Here's what happened this past week. Sat May 17th. My stomach started to hurt and I was nauseous towards end of night and I knew I needed to go bathroom so I ate a little bit of salad for dinner. I was up all night in pain and dry heaving and gagging. I tried stool softeners and a liquid laxative that the pharmacist said was safe- nothing worked. I really thought it would pass but it didn't so we went to St. E's ER. My bowel sounds were never checked, I never got a rectal exam. I was given IV for dehydration and probably something for nausea (can't remember?) I did end up vomiting at the hospital and remember feeling a little better for a while. To make sure baby was OK I was given the pleasure of having my very first catheter put in so they could fill my bladder with fluid for an ultrasound. Baby was OK. I then gave myself a enema and it produced nothing out of my system. I think when we left there 8 hours later I was given the diagnosis or impacted bowel or constipation? So we went home and Monday rolls around and I'm still in extreme pain after more stool softeners, apple juice, and gas x. We decided to go to another branch of St. E's closer to home. As soon as I we got there I started vomiting again and when the Dr. came in to check me (she did check bowel sounds) she said I have upper bowel obstruction. I almost died inside. We were asked what surgeon we wanted called. Then was told I will be having a tube down my nose to stomach to relieve pressure and force bowels to relax. I really didn't know how bad it was going to be. I was hoping i was going to be under. I wasn't. The nurse tried in each nostril and each time my instinct was to yank it out because I couldn't breath and was choking and gagging. There was blood all over and I told her there no way I can do it and I am going to refuse the tube. Scott, my mom and in-laws were all there trying to get me to agree to let them try again. they kept pushing and pushing and finally I got so pissed off I told them fine and just leave me alone. So it took 2 nurse and 1 Dr. to get that God forsaken tube in my nose down my throat and into my stomach. It was the absolute worse feeling and experience of my 26 years of existence. I can't explain how this feels. I never, ever thought I would have it in for almost 3 days.
I was admitted to St. E's late Monday night and almost ripped that tube out several times. I wasn't doing it because I didn't want to get better I was doing it because when it made me gag I was not able to breath - and it is just instict. They loaded me up with Phenegren. I drug that curbs nausea. I had an allergic reaction that made me have convulsions every few seconds. I remember thinking what I was doing was not right. I was trying to tell Scott something was wrong but I was in a weird state of mind. I think I was loaded up on Benadryl too- not sure but I couldn't control my arms and upper body. I didn't know what was going on. At one point I heard the nurses talking to Scott saying that it was happening because i was trying to fight off going to sleep. I knew that wasn't the case but it was hard for me to talk. I thought I was going to have a seizure. Scott later told me he demanded they call the OB/GYN my midwife works with and ask if it is a side effect of the drug- he said no. Scott then demanded they call someone else. They called the pharmacist and he or she said it was a side effect. Finally around 5 0r 6am I think it wore off. Everything is still such a blur.
Tuesday rolls around and a few residents come in around 5:30am I think. I was taken to get a sonogram of gallbladder. Everything OK. That day I couldn't even get out of bed to go to bathroom. I had a bedpan and nurses wiping me. Ugh- just horrible... I remember the OB coming in and the surgeon telling me I wasn't getting tube out that day and just being so frustrated. It hurt to talk, swallow, walk, sleep- with a tube going down your nose in your throat into your stomach. And to physically see all the "crap" coming out of your stomach- being sucked out- I still have flashbacks. And I can still feel that damn tube in my throat. I can't do that again. I just can't.
Wednesday comes along and I finally got clearance to yank the tube. Music to my ears. At this point I was starting to get hungry which was a good sign. As soon as the nurse made sure my stomach was empty- she pulled out what seemed like 5 feet of tube from my nose and I can't even explain what that felt like- the relief was astounding. I immediately felt better. I felt free. I couldn't wait to swallow, talk, sleep, and move around without gagging! I was ordered to walk continuously all day to get bowels moving. I was also allowed to drink liquids and chew on gum. I think I was given a suppository or two which worked a little but I still knew my system wasn't right. Later that night I was given a drug all Regulin to help my stomach or nausea? That drug made me feel like I was going to jump out of my skin. i couldn't sit still- I kept moving around and fidgeting. I was scared. i didn't want another allergic reaction. I nurse gave me more Benadryl which made me feel so dizzy and "out of my body" but it did calm me down. Later I found out my cousin had the same exact reaction to that medication.
After my tube came out Dr. Gady the surgeon came in and said if I vomit I'm going to OR tomorrow for surgery. Great...
No vomit and Thursday rolls around. I was allowed to eat- after 4 full days of no food. I was hungry but scared to eat. I think I had another suppository and a enema. It worked a little but I still felt like something was wrong. But with no food for 4 days, a NG tube in my stomach for 3 of those days and all the trauma I was feeling emotionally I really didn't know how I was supposed to feel.
I got released Thursday afternoon and put on a prescription laxative. I am leaving out alot of details but I can't possibly write everything in this blog. All I know I was so worried about baby the whole time. With not eating and all the drugs and stress I asked every nurse to try and find heartbeat with doppler. 2 nurses tried and failed to find it. One resident who was working with the surgeon went to school with Scott and he treated us so nice. He was gracious enough to get the doppler and try and find the heartbeat himself. (It's amazing how much faster things get done/delivered when a Dr. asked for them) He found it right away! More music to my ears. That was Thursday- the day I was released.
I've never seen Scott so upset (And my parents and my in-laws). I feel horrible for putting everyone through that. I hope to not step foot in St. E's again unless I am 40+ weeks pregnant and ready to meet my long awaited miracle baby. Thank you to everyone who visited me and stayed by my side through this. I needed every one's stength that week. Scott is such a blessing. The way he cares about me and will do absolutely anything for me makes me want to marry him again and again- everyday. "Through sickness and health..." Can we get to the health part already????
Well, I am physically getting back to normal. Emotionally I am terrified I am going to have to do that again. I hope this pregnancy is smooth sailing from here. I don't feel so confident but one day at a time!
I have an appointment with midwife in 30mins. Hopefully she can calm my nerves bit. I know hearing the peach's heartbeat will help.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Dreams
I had the strangest dream the other night and it was funny because I just read about having vivid dreams when you are pregnant and sometimes they are about you giving birth to small animals- and I cracked up because my dream was about a cat giving birth to a kitten. A person was holding the cat against her chest in the bathtub. The cat was sprawled out on her back and the cat kept pushing and the woman holding the cat was pushing with her and coaching her. (While I was watching) The cat was crying out in pain- swaying its head back and forth and finally a kitten came out. It wasn't in a sac like kittens usually come out in but just a small kitten and it immediately began walking. I remember the look of relief on the cat's face when it came out. HA HA! It was so strange... Yikes! I'm sure there's more of those dreams to come!
Yesterday was Mother's Day and I have to say as someone who tried to become a Mom for years- mother's day has always been the hardest (then Christmas...) Scott spoiled me tremendously! On Saturday he cleaned my car inside and out! He bought me two hanging flower baskets that I've been wanting and then on Sunday he woke me up with breakfast in bed and got me tickets to Cirque D'Or on Thursday. I was surprised because he thought of the idea himself because its just not something I would think he would want to go to... I am excited to go. Its something different! My sister was so sweet and got my a really nice lullaby 4 CD set I've been wanting and a book by Jenny McCarthy about pregnancy "Belly Laughs" (It's nice to read a non- medical book!) It was a great day and a nice change of emotion. I told Scott yesterday how nice it was to have good news and feelings surrounding us! We were in much need for this change. Its also nice to want to be around people again. I know that sounds bad but I went through such a dark time the past few years. I've experience my lowest of lows through infertility. Especially the last few months before I got pregnant. I honestly didn't know if Scott and I could get through it anymore. I was scared of myself...
OK enough with that! I will be 12 weeks tomorrow! Woo Hoo 2nd trimester here I come! I have a follow up with Family Dr. this afternoon for the fluid in the lungs business. I'm still having some pain when I yawn, sneeze or laugh but it is getting better. O.K. that's it for now.
Yesterday was Mother's Day and I have to say as someone who tried to become a Mom for years- mother's day has always been the hardest (then Christmas...) Scott spoiled me tremendously! On Saturday he cleaned my car inside and out! He bought me two hanging flower baskets that I've been wanting and then on Sunday he woke me up with breakfast in bed and got me tickets to Cirque D'Or on Thursday. I was surprised because he thought of the idea himself because its just not something I would think he would want to go to... I am excited to go. Its something different! My sister was so sweet and got my a really nice lullaby 4 CD set I've been wanting and a book by Jenny McCarthy about pregnancy "Belly Laughs" (It's nice to read a non- medical book!) It was a great day and a nice change of emotion. I told Scott yesterday how nice it was to have good news and feelings surrounding us! We were in much need for this change. Its also nice to want to be around people again. I know that sounds bad but I went through such a dark time the past few years. I've experience my lowest of lows through infertility. Especially the last few months before I got pregnant. I honestly didn't know if Scott and I could get through it anymore. I was scared of myself...
OK enough with that! I will be 12 weeks tomorrow! Woo Hoo 2nd trimester here I come! I have a follow up with Family Dr. this afternoon for the fluid in the lungs business. I'm still having some pain when I yawn, sneeze or laugh but it is getting better. O.K. that's it for now.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Pleurisy- what in the world??
I've been trying to feel "normal" again and since I stopped taking the prescription pre natals my digestive system is getting better. But the chest pains on the right side came back a few days ago. My family Dr. thinks I have pleurisy which is fluid in the lungs and put me on antibiotic (generic Z pack). After much hesitation and a phone call to midwife to ensure its OK. I started the antibiotic last night because pain was getting worse and I was scared to not take it because I don't want to risk getting really sick with something when I could of prevented it. I was just trying to stall to see if would get better on my own- but it didn't happen. I really hope it works and I'm done with health issues for a while. I can't wait until my next appointment. 2 weeks from tomorrow. I'm almost out of my first trimester! Woo Hoo!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Whoa what a week!
I am officially 10 1/2 weeks and had a hell of a week! On Tuesday I was having some abdominal cramping and shooting pains in places I did not want to have shooting pains (I couldn't sit down...) So I called midwife's office and they told me to come in. I had my sister in law drive me because I don't think I would of made it there myself. My urine tested negative but when Tammy was pressing on right side near ovary I clenched in pain. She said there was alot of fullness on the right side and it could be a cyst or possibly an additional ectopic pregnancy in my tube (due to fertility meds) I was terrified. I thought "No this can;t be happening" She immediately sent me to get a sonogram to make sure baby OK and check for any masses in ovary and tubes. I was hoping my next sonogram was going to be a pleasurable experience with Scott there to enjoy the moment. No- I was by myself in an office with people that I didn't know and scared to death in pain. I asked the nurse if she saw baby- she said yes and she showed me the screen and we saw the heartbeat. Whew! Then she was scanning my ovaries and tubes- she couldn't tell me anything but I thought everything looked OK (from what I could see). The Dr. came into the room after the sonogram and said he didn't see any masses and they everything looks normal. Whew. I was still hurting but felt better knowing baby was OK and that I wasn't going to lose a tube! I got a new pic of the baby (it looks like a baby almost!) and went home to rest.
About 8:30-9:00 I was in such excruciating pain I couldn't handle it. I was getting sharp pains all over and they were so bad I was just yelling in pain. I knew something wasn't right and with my past history of bowel obstruction I knew I had to do something. Scott drove me to ER and they gave me exams and told me I had impacted bowel. They sent me home with enema and when we got back home I honestly thought I was going to die. I collapsed on the kitchen floor as soon as I managed to get in and crawled my way to the bathroom to try and relieve the pain. It worked at first- then I tried to sleep- didn't work. I was up every hour in such pain and agony. At one point I was swaying back and forth- numb all over, dripping sweat,telling Scott "I'm going to pass out" It was the most frightening feeling I ever felt. i don't know what happened...
I start to get chest pains on the right side and it felt like a pinched nerve so as soon as 8am Wed. rolled around I call Family Dr. to get an appointment. We went there and I cut in front of about 6 people because the office staff knew I was in some major pain. Dr. said stomach pains are from gas probably due to pre natal pills and he wasn't sure about chest pains but he will draw blood to check gall bladder (haven;t got those results back yet) He told me to eat liquids so we can "get things moving" So thats what I did and today is Friday and I feel about 80% back to normal. i stopped taking the pre natals I was taking so I can get back on track. I'm just happy I can stand up straight and not need help to get up anymore.... I NEVER want to live through that again. (Especially without and drugs to make the pain go away)
OK back to good news. I am almost 11 weeks which means I am almost 12 weeks which means 2nd trimester here I come! I hope all the great things I hear about 2nd trimester are true for me too (mainly the extra energy and feeling great!)
OK here's my 10 week sonogram (not getting another one until beginning of June now)
I also made a side by side comparison...
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