I passed my Real Estate Exam- That is the good news!!! Now for the bad which I'm sure you can guess- A negative pregnancy test. I wasn't feeling too positive about this cycle since it was so strange so it wasn't as big of a disappointment as last injection round. Scott took it worse than I did this time. He is so pissed and sick and tired of being positive about things and I completely understand. I really took a deep negative dive last injection round and I can;t seem to get out of it. I have no Faith, Hope, or Strength left to think positive. I can;t help it. I wish I could turn it around. I'm just depressed that's all and I don't know how to help myself. What kills me is seeing Scott go through the same thing. He has always been the "look on the bright side" "let's think positive" person. I don't want him to go the other way but I can relate to everything he is feeling and I hate to see him this way. For some reason I feel like it is my fault, like I put him through this. And if he was with someone else he would be a dad by now- a wonderful dad. I know this is stupid to think about but I feel like because my body can't get and stay pregnant (for whatever reason) it is my fault and I don't want to put him through this pain anymore.
We are taking a break from the Dr. for a few months. I could of started injection again tomorrow but I really don't want to be stuck with needles for 2 weeks and get an internal ultrasound every 3rd day at the Dr. office. Its getting kinda humiliating to me.
I am so glad we are getting away for Christmas! I am SO excited it's just going to be us. I do feel bad we wont see our families but we need to get away and enjoy our little family- just the 2 of us (and are furbabies of course!) This Christmas is SO different from any Christmas I have ever experienced. I have not one decoration up and I have no Christmas spirit. I tried to force myself to get in the holiday mood but its not happening. I hope this is the first and LAST Christmas like this.
But I have to say not stressing about gifts like I usually do has been kinda nice. It make you realize what's really important and that's just spending time with the one's you love. That's all that really matters to me. As long as I have my family, friends, and my best friend and husband I know I will be O.K.
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