Here we go again. Its been a bad past few days. The ugly "Aunt Flo" arrived and once again I am fathomed at the fact that we cant get pregnant like two normal human beings. As I walked into the Dr.'s office today all I kept thinking was... isn't Scott and I's love for each other enough? We have a connection and love for one another that many never find and I am grateful for that every second of my life but isn't that good enough to bring a baby into our lives? We have SO much love to give. We are good, loving people. We have a warm, happy home and so much love for each other. Isn't that enough??? The frustration and questions never end. As I probably said before- I could never do this without Scott. He honest to God is the reason I am still going. I can without a doubt say my heart feels the same about him as it did 10 years ago. When I think about how much he means to me, how much I love him, and how much we've been through together- I know if he's by my side he can get me through anything.
I seen Dr. Hecht this morning. 150IU's today through Sunday, back to office on Monday. I not going to put the extra effort into being hopeful, positive, and full of Faith this time. I wish I could. I'm just tired and it seems like no matter what I do, how I think or feel it always ends in disappointment (at least in this aspect of my life) So I'm going to take it one day at a time. If this doesn't work our next option is an extremely expensive option. I am willing to sacrifice whatever I have to to get pregnant. Call it selfish or selfless- Its our choice. I just don't think Scott and I are on the same page about Invitro Fertilization (IVF). I guess we will just cross that bridge if we have to. Time to turn into a pin cushion for the next few weeks.... Eeeek.
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