After I am in the clear to stop progesterone shots, I will happy if I never see another needle again. Since July 23rd I've had 53 needles injected into my body by myself or Scott. That number does not include all the blood work and IV for anesthesia. Nor does it include the handful of oral pills I've been on this whole time.
Again, how do people conceive naturally? It's really beyond my comprehension.
I feel pretty normal and my bloating has gone down quite a bit. I am so so so nervous because I can't feel anything and because of the fact I feel normal. I know I felt normal with Carter so I try to remind myself so that 1000x's a day. I can't believe I have a full week and 1 day to wait to get this ultrasound. I may go insane by then.
Carter is starting kindergarten next week so that will keep me busy and sad... Lol. I already miss him. The fair is this weekend and its a long weekend for Scott so that should help too.
Ugh. WAITING IS NOT FUN!!!
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Friday, August 22, 2014
The best voicemail EVER
So Tuesday rolls around and I am on my way to the lab to get my blood drawn to see if my embie babies stuck around. I had quite a meltdown on the way there. I just wanted to know if I was going to have the best day or the worst day. Right after I got home we left for Erie, PA. We wanted to take C to Waldmaeer Park to go on rides because that is all he has been talking about all summer. Unbeknownst to me, Waldameer did not open until noon. So we decided to check out Presque Isle Beach until the park opened. We got to the beach around 11:15 AM. Earlier that morning I joked around saying "Wouldn't it be funny if I didn't have any cell phone service in Erie?"
Well... needless to say as I was sitting on the sand looking at lake Erie, clenching and staring at my phone like I was doing all morning and I hear my phone beep. I look down and see new voicemail. I MISSED THE CALL. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Turns out I didn't have good reception on Presque Isle beach. So I dial my voice mail, put it on speaker phone and with Scott by my side we hear the nurse say the words we most desperately wanted to hear. It is positive. We lost it. We hugged and cried and were in complete shock. I'm glad I missed the call. Scott and I were able to hear the news together and had a few minutes to ourselves to celebrate and Thank God.
I called nurse back few minutes later and she told me they were looking for an HCG count of at least 50. Mine was 329 and they are very happy with that number. I immediately asked if this is an indication of multiples. She says it could be but really no way to tell except with an ultrasound. We go over some more things and she says go back to same lab on Thursday to get repeat blood work- she will call me with Thursday's numbers and schedule the ultrasound for 2 to 2.5 weeks later.
After I got off the phone Carter asked me from the back seat of the car "What did they say Mommy?" I just looked at him and said "They said there's a baby in there." He smiled the biggest smile and said "There is???" I said "yes" he said "Yea, there's a baby in there!"
We made our calls to our family and friends who were waiting for the answer and for the rest of the day I watched Carter and Scott go on rides while I sat and hydrated. It was an amazing day.
Thursday I went back for repeat blood work and my HCG of 329 doubled to 671. That is what we wanted it to do! 1st ultrasound will either be on Friday Sept 5th or Saturday Sept. 6th. I am still in shock. I still don't believe it. I really just want to see the heartbeat(s).
What a journey!!! That's all I can say....
Well... needless to say as I was sitting on the sand looking at lake Erie, clenching and staring at my phone like I was doing all morning and I hear my phone beep. I look down and see new voicemail. I MISSED THE CALL. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Turns out I didn't have good reception on Presque Isle beach. So I dial my voice mail, put it on speaker phone and with Scott by my side we hear the nurse say the words we most desperately wanted to hear. It is positive. We lost it. We hugged and cried and were in complete shock. I'm glad I missed the call. Scott and I were able to hear the news together and had a few minutes to ourselves to celebrate and Thank God.
I called nurse back few minutes later and she told me they were looking for an HCG count of at least 50. Mine was 329 and they are very happy with that number. I immediately asked if this is an indication of multiples. She says it could be but really no way to tell except with an ultrasound. We go over some more things and she says go back to same lab on Thursday to get repeat blood work- she will call me with Thursday's numbers and schedule the ultrasound for 2 to 2.5 weeks later.
After I got off the phone Carter asked me from the back seat of the car "What did they say Mommy?" I just looked at him and said "They said there's a baby in there." He smiled the biggest smile and said "There is???" I said "yes" he said "Yea, there's a baby in there!"
We made our calls to our family and friends who were waiting for the answer and for the rest of the day I watched Carter and Scott go on rides while I sat and hydrated. It was an amazing day.
Thursday I went back for repeat blood work and my HCG of 329 doubled to 671. That is what we wanted it to do! 1st ultrasound will either be on Friday Sept 5th or Saturday Sept. 6th. I am still in shock. I still don't believe it. I really just want to see the heartbeat(s).
What a journey!!! That's all I can say....
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Thursday, August 14, 2014
That heavy feeling
It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I am eternally grateful for all the people praying and thinking about us but I am also scared I am going to possibly let each one of those people down. Being open about IVF is a double edge sword. I want prayers and I'm not ashamed to ask for them. I also am excited about IVF and it is literally ALL I have been thinking about. I am also not ashamed of my infertility, if anything I want to bring awareness to the subject and help others who have never dealt with it be more empathic with their words(and suggestions)- to me- or in general.
I felt really negative yesterday. I keep hearing "bad news" phone calls from my past in my head. "Its negative, its negative, its negative..." I've only heard "it's positive" twice in 9 years of trying and one of those times ended in miscarriage. I can also pictures the hundreds(?) of negative pregnancy tests I have used throughout the years. I will say to my close family, "I don't know why I am so negative?", "I'm pissing myself off". But I know exactly why I am negative. It doesn't justify it but it's really all I know.
What I do know is my Faith is in the right place. I know no matter what happens I trust God and His plan for me. I think back to the moment when the adoption social worker left our house after she conducted our first home visit. I knew I couldn't go through with the adoption at that moment. I knew it was the wrong choice at that moment. I just knew I had to go back to the Dr. and try IVF. I believe that was the Holy Spirit guiding me to where we are at today. And Scott felt the exact same way when I cried and cried and cried to him that afternoon.
There is no way Scott and I could of been OK not doing this. We both felt like we just NEEDED to do this before it was "too late". We will survive no matter what the outcome. We will lean on each other like we've been doing for the past 16 years. I can conquer any situation with that man by my side. He saves me.
I will change the subject now that I am tearing up. I feel pretty normal except I am bloated. I have had some period cramps here and there and a really strange pain in my belly area (right above my belly button) It felt like a pulling/pinching/can't stand up straight. It only lasted about 20 minutes. We have decided to go to take Carter to Waldameer on Tuesday after we go get my blood work- So I will either be a happy camper watching Carter and Scott ride all the rides or I will be looking for the nearest bar for Scott to drop me off at!
I felt really negative yesterday. I keep hearing "bad news" phone calls from my past in my head. "Its negative, its negative, its negative..." I've only heard "it's positive" twice in 9 years of trying and one of those times ended in miscarriage. I can also pictures the hundreds(?) of negative pregnancy tests I have used throughout the years. I will say to my close family, "I don't know why I am so negative?", "I'm pissing myself off". But I know exactly why I am negative. It doesn't justify it but it's really all I know.
What I do know is my Faith is in the right place. I know no matter what happens I trust God and His plan for me. I think back to the moment when the adoption social worker left our house after she conducted our first home visit. I knew I couldn't go through with the adoption at that moment. I knew it was the wrong choice at that moment. I just knew I had to go back to the Dr. and try IVF. I believe that was the Holy Spirit guiding me to where we are at today. And Scott felt the exact same way when I cried and cried and cried to him that afternoon.
There is no way Scott and I could of been OK not doing this. We both felt like we just NEEDED to do this before it was "too late". We will survive no matter what the outcome. We will lean on each other like we've been doing for the past 16 years. I can conquer any situation with that man by my side. He saves me.
I will change the subject now that I am tearing up. I feel pretty normal except I am bloated. I have had some period cramps here and there and a really strange pain in my belly area (right above my belly button) It felt like a pulling/pinching/can't stand up straight. It only lasted about 20 minutes. We have decided to go to take Carter to Waldameer on Tuesday after we go get my blood work- So I will either be a happy camper watching Carter and Scott ride all the rides or I will be looking for the nearest bar for Scott to drop me off at!
Monday, August 11, 2014
Ice Ice Babies
Ended up with 6 frozen embryos!!! That puts my mind at ease a little. I read yesterday that a blastocyst is the size of Roosevelt's eye on the head of a dime.
I'm trying to wrap my head around what is going on inside my uterus right now. I'm anxious to go back to work on Wednesday. I need to keep busy! I keep replaying how happy and impressed the embryologist was with the quality of our embryos on Sunday.
I found this online too:
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Holy full bladder
So it's over!!! All went well. The transfer didn't go how I expected because I had to have a full bladder during the transfer and it was quite uncomfortable. I was tense and just trying to concentrate on not peeing on the Dr. Lol. My eyes were shut the most of the time. I did ask Dr. How my uterus looked, he said good but it will look even better with two embryos in it. I agree!! We watched our two best embryos get sucked up the catheter. One was "collapsed" but is a normal function of a blastocyst. I'm going to ask more questions about this tomorrow when Dr. calls.
The embryologist seemed really impressed with the quality of our embryos. They get graded on a few different things and I know one of the two had a grade of A!! And I believe the other was close behind! I was cloudy from the Valium they instructed me to take before the transfer so my memory is a bit jogged. I got up and went to restroom right after transfer and after I asked the Dr. (A few times) If everything went ok, even with me being so so tense. He assured me all went perfect. I also asked the stupid question of "these won't fall out when I stand up will they?" Lol. I knew the answer but I HAD to ask. The Valium is finally leaving my system 12 hours later! It made me cry, snort laugh, then exhausted. I'm glad to be starting to feel better finally.
I'm assuming I will get a call tomorrow to let me know how many will be frozen. It looks like 3 for sure, possibility of more.
Now for the wait. God give me the strength!!!
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