Well, the hysteroscopy and polypectomy are complete. I didn't have my follow up yet with Dr. Moretuzzo but from what I was told after the procedure one polyp was removed (not that big) and everything went good. They sent it to pathology and I go for follow up this Friday July 11th to see results, if I am healed, and talk about the next steps. I was proud of myself for not really crying the day of the surgery. I was super nervous that whole week. A zillion and one things ran through my head and the thought of getting anesthesia and then being "exposed" without my knowledge really freaks me out. I kept telling Scott- I'd rather be cut so my legs can stay shut. It's one thing when you fully awake and getting poked, prodded and scanned up (down) there but having someone put me to sleep then invading my privacy just makes me anxious and upset. I also thought the worst- there's going to be a big, huge growth(s) or Dr. is going to accidently cut my uterus or I will have some freak reaction to anesthesia and I won't wake up. Yea all those happy thoughts.... But I was wrong and all went as smooth as I think it could of went.
The recovery definitely took me longer than expected. I thought I was going to feel 80% normal the next day and I certainly didn't. It took a good week to feel 100% normal again. But this step is over and I am happy. Polyp free is the way to be! A nurse at the Surgery Center put it the best. You have to clear your garden before you plant those babies in there.
I am continuing with the active pills of birth control. I had a brief meeting with Moretuzzo the morning of the surgery and he said once I am healed I will stop the pill and four days later we can start the FSH/egg growing. I assumed I had to wait for my period to come. I have to ask Dr. more questions about why I don't have to wait for my period because I am confused about that (I'm thinking we will start the antagonist/ovulation blocker early in the egg growing process- which prevents ovulation) In an IUI situation you don't start antagonist until the eggs are a certain size. So so so so technical but I NEED to know the who, what, when, where and why of all of this.
Anywho, when I go in on Friday and if I am cleared for "take off" I am going to ask Dr. if we can try to schedule the extraction and transfer around Scott's vacation which is the week of August 18th. I feel kind of "designer/guilty/selfish" for planning all this but hell you pay 15K to get pregnant you should get some kind of options/perks.
My heart is ready to create life- now matter how it happens. My heart aches to hold our newborn, to see how he/she will look like Carter, to make Carter a brother, to love someone on a level that isn't explainable, to look at a brand new person made from the love and dedication of my best friend and I. To see our 9 year fight be worth it once again. To look a baby and think he or she is nothing less than a miracle. To feel on cloud nine, to feel like I'm dreaming when I sit in my rocking chair with my baby on my chest. My baby. The baby I made and grew and fought for with all of my strength.
My head on the other hand is a big negative Nelly. I think last year's failed IUI attempts has a lot to do with why my head is so negative. Plus the whole process of injecting yourself, visiting the Dr. several times a week, getting put under anesthesia again, calling off work, getting sitters for Carter, did I mention the physical toll on my body or the most stressful thing- waiting, worrying and wondering if it worked. Oh and the $15,000 dollars we spending for a 50% chance of success. OK. I'm done. I swear. I feel lucky and Blessed I have the opportunity to try this. I may suffer financially (and emotionally) for a while but I know deep down. I NEED to do this. This is part of my healing, how I will get closer to closing this chapter of my life, my "no regrets" future when I am too "old" to carry babies.
Lastly, I am truly thankful I found Greenford Christian Church. I couldn't imagine embarking on this journey without this Church, everything I have learn about myself, about God and my relationship with God. I know no matter how low I get I have a church family I can turn to help and pray for me. And that in itself feels so comforting and just plain awesome!
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