Awkward vs. Avoidance

When I see someone I know in public and they avoid the fact I recently lost Nathan- I get so upset. All I'm asking for is a "How are you?" Not the "how are you" like you do in passing or to strangers but "I know you must be in a lot of pain still how are you." It feels so personal  like they are dismissing my boys- like they are pretending nothing ever happened. I know this is not the case- they just feel bad, don't know what to say, feel awkward, etc., etc.  The awkwardness they might feel bringing my boys up would be far less "painful" than the hurt I feel when the subject of my twin boys is avoided. Ask me what happened with Nathan or Liam, ask me how Carter and Scott are, ask me anything- just don't avoid this huge, traumatic life event I just experienced. Would you do the same thing if I got diagnosed with cancer or lost my husband??
What really bugs me is hearing people say they heard the news from "so and so" then I see "so and so" and they totally avoid/pretend nothing happened. HELLO!!! You can spread my news to your whole office but can't say at the very least "How are you?" I'm not asking for a constant pity party. I'm asking for compassion for another human being. If I don't want to talk about it I will tell you. I feel so "scary" to people. There I go again with the labels...
I'm on a mission to find my mission. I need to help others, that's how I heal. I just need to figure out how. I know it will come to me. I might not be ready yet. My heart is still extremely heavy with sadness. No one does their best work when they are depressed.
I finally cleaned up Nathan's room. It is pretty bare but clean. Liam's Molly Bear is on the dresser waiting for Nathan's to join him. Along with both Liam and Nathan's blankets from the hospital. I did make a Nathan and Liam shelf in the curio cabinet in the living room. It feels good to display some of the items that represent my angel boys. I also hung the "Precious Little Ones" poem in the living room. I am hoping to get a edited picture of Nathan soon so I can hang that up as well. I really want to finish their scrapbooks I already started...
I still cant believe this all happened. It still feels like one huge nightmare.