Well, the hysteroscopy and polypectomy are complete. I didn't have my follow up yet with Dr. Moretuzzo but from what I was told after the procedure one polyp was removed (not that big) and everything went good. They sent it to pathology and I go for follow up this Friday July 11th to see results, if I am healed, and talk about the next steps. I was proud of myself for not really crying the day of the surgery. I was super nervous that whole week. A zillion and one things ran through my head and the thought of getting anesthesia and then being "exposed" without my knowledge really freaks me out. I kept telling Scott- I'd rather be cut so my legs can stay shut. It's one thing when you fully awake and getting poked, prodded and scanned up (down) there but having someone put me to sleep then invading my privacy just makes me anxious and upset. I also thought the worst- there's going to be a big, huge growth(s) or Dr. is going to accidently cut my uterus or I will have some freak reaction to anesthesia and I won't wake up. Yea all those happy thoughts.... But I was wrong and all went as smooth as I think it could of went.
The recovery definitely took me longer than expected. I thought I was going to feel 80% normal the next day and I certainly didn't. It took a good week to feel 100% normal again. But this step is over and I am happy. Polyp free is the way to be! A nurse at the Surgery Center put it the best. You have to clear your garden before you plant those babies in there.
I am continuing with the active pills of birth control. I had a brief meeting with Moretuzzo the morning of the surgery and he said once I am healed I will stop the pill and four days later we can start the FSH/egg growing. I assumed I had to wait for my period to come. I have to ask Dr. more questions about why I don't have to wait for my period because I am confused about that (I'm thinking we will start the antagonist/ovulation blocker early in the egg growing process- which prevents ovulation) In an IUI situation you don't start antagonist until the eggs are a certain size. So so so so technical but I NEED to know the who, what, when, where and why of all of this.
Anywho, when I go in on Friday and if I am cleared for "take off" I am going to ask Dr. if we can try to schedule the extraction and transfer around Scott's vacation which is the week of August 18th. I feel kind of "designer/guilty/selfish" for planning all this but hell you pay 15K to get pregnant you should get some kind of options/perks.
My heart is ready to create life- now matter how it happens. My heart aches to hold our newborn, to see how he/she will look like Carter, to make Carter a brother, to love someone on a level that isn't explainable, to look at a brand new person made from the love and dedication of my best friend and I. To see our 9 year fight be worth it once again. To look a baby and think he or she is nothing less than a miracle. To feel on cloud nine, to feel like I'm dreaming when I sit in my rocking chair with my baby on my chest. My baby. The baby I made and grew and fought for with all of my strength.
My head on the other hand is a big negative Nelly. I think last year's failed IUI attempts has a lot to do with why my head is so negative. Plus the whole process of injecting yourself, visiting the Dr. several times a week, getting put under anesthesia again, calling off work, getting sitters for Carter, did I mention the physical toll on my body or the most stressful thing- waiting, worrying and wondering if it worked. Oh and the $15,000 dollars we spending for a 50% chance of success. OK. I'm done. I swear. I feel lucky and Blessed I have the opportunity to try this. I may suffer financially (and emotionally) for a while but I know deep down. I NEED to do this. This is part of my healing, how I will get closer to closing this chapter of my life, my "no regrets" future when I am too "old" to carry babies.
Lastly, I am truly thankful I found Greenford Christian Church. I couldn't imagine embarking on this journey without this Church, everything I have learn about myself, about God and my relationship with God. I know no matter how low I get I have a church family I can turn to help and pray for me. And that in itself feels so comforting and just plain awesome!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014
And so our IVF journey begins
May 12th was our consult with Dr. Moretuzzo. It went just as I had thought. We basically just told him we were in office little over a year ago, we did 2 rounds of Follistim/IUI with no success and now we ready to do IVF. He explain we would need to some preliminary testing first, then I would be on birth control pills for a month- they keep ovaries calm and prevent any cysts from forming I believe. Then after all that we will start the drugs, do the egg retrieval and embryo transfer.
Sweet. Let's do this.
We had to take a mandatory IVF informational class on May 21st. Before we went I didn't think I was going to learn anything I didn't already know. But I was wrong. I learned a lot more details about what the eggs are suppose to do each day after they are retrieved/before they are transferred. I also learned some other things I can't remember right now but I wrote down for later. Yes I took notes!
My other instructions after our consult was to call on day 1 of my cycle to schedule a saline ultrasound. My period decides to be 6 days late. (Thanks for that extra emotional roller coaster and money wasted on pregnancy tests!!) I go in for saline ultrasound on June 6th. In Nov. of 2012 I had same type of ultrasound and Moretuzzo told me my uterus was a perfect triangle :). This time- my uterus did not look perfect. It had a "shadow" on it. He wants to investigate further before we move forward with IVF because he said it can interfere with transfer/attachment. So.... on June 27th I am getting a Hysteroscopy. He explained it could be a polyp, a growth(?), or it was just a shadow on ultrasound. He will remove it if need be and then we will go from there. He put me on birth control already to prevent me from ovulating and keep my uterine lining thin. I'm nervous more about the whole anesthesia process- it freaks me out. And I hate waiting when I don't want to do something- just want to get it over with. And I hate not knowing what's going on. Will the IVF be postponed? What if it's something serious? How much is this going to cost us? The list goes on and on.
Scott went for his analysis on Tuesday. They do a more detailed, in depth sperm analysis for IVF. So not sure when we will get those results.
In addition to all that I had a phone conversations with financial person who works with RGI (Reproductive Gynecology, Inc.) She gave me a heart attac, oh I mean the breakdown of costs we should expect and when- throughout this whole process.
Everything seems pretty organized at this point. Except for what's happening in my brain. Carter wants a "brother" so bad. We've been keeping him kind of in the circle about most of this. I basically told him I'm going to go to Dr. to see if my "belly is still broke", if it's not broke I'm going to try and grow a baby, if my belly can't grow a baby we will start the adoption steps again. He always says he wished we had "more kids". It really is heartbreaking to hear your only child say that and you want the same exact thing. But I just remind him how special he is- that he was the only one who got to grow in my belly before it "broke". I hope I am saying the right things... You wonder that a lot when you a parent.
Well that's it for now. Two weeks from today I will be on my way to Canfield Surgery Center to get this mystery spot in my uterus solved.
A quote I read in a magazine that I later discovered John Lennon said:
"It will all be OK in the end, if its not OK, then its not the end" Love this!!!
Sweet. Let's do this.
We had to take a mandatory IVF informational class on May 21st. Before we went I didn't think I was going to learn anything I didn't already know. But I was wrong. I learned a lot more details about what the eggs are suppose to do each day after they are retrieved/before they are transferred. I also learned some other things I can't remember right now but I wrote down for later. Yes I took notes!
My other instructions after our consult was to call on day 1 of my cycle to schedule a saline ultrasound. My period decides to be 6 days late. (Thanks for that extra emotional roller coaster and money wasted on pregnancy tests!!) I go in for saline ultrasound on June 6th. In Nov. of 2012 I had same type of ultrasound and Moretuzzo told me my uterus was a perfect triangle :). This time- my uterus did not look perfect. It had a "shadow" on it. He wants to investigate further before we move forward with IVF because he said it can interfere with transfer/attachment. So.... on June 27th I am getting a Hysteroscopy. He explained it could be a polyp, a growth(?), or it was just a shadow on ultrasound. He will remove it if need be and then we will go from there. He put me on birth control already to prevent me from ovulating and keep my uterine lining thin. I'm nervous more about the whole anesthesia process- it freaks me out. And I hate waiting when I don't want to do something- just want to get it over with. And I hate not knowing what's going on. Will the IVF be postponed? What if it's something serious? How much is this going to cost us? The list goes on and on.
Scott went for his analysis on Tuesday. They do a more detailed, in depth sperm analysis for IVF. So not sure when we will get those results.
In addition to all that I had a phone conversations with financial person who works with RGI (Reproductive Gynecology, Inc.) She gave me a heart attac, oh I mean the breakdown of costs we should expect and when- throughout this whole process.
Everything seems pretty organized at this point. Except for what's happening in my brain. Carter wants a "brother" so bad. We've been keeping him kind of in the circle about most of this. I basically told him I'm going to go to Dr. to see if my "belly is still broke", if it's not broke I'm going to try and grow a baby, if my belly can't grow a baby we will start the adoption steps again. He always says he wished we had "more kids". It really is heartbreaking to hear your only child say that and you want the same exact thing. But I just remind him how special he is- that he was the only one who got to grow in my belly before it "broke". I hope I am saying the right things... You wonder that a lot when you a parent.
Well that's it for now. Two weeks from today I will be on my way to Canfield Surgery Center to get this mystery spot in my uterus solved.
A quote I read in a magazine that I later discovered John Lennon said:
"It will all be OK in the end, if its not OK, then its not the end" Love this!!!
Thursday, June 12, 2014
The Never Ending Blog!!
Holy smokes. Will this blog ever end?? Lots has happened since last March. Here's the short of it. I sold all of my Carter's baby items except his crib and rocking horse. It was painful but it had to be done. I needed to heal and ridding my basement of all the baby stuff did help me. Then, I started to run. Thanks to my marathon running friend Jesi. I used running to set accomplishable goals for myself. I wanted to run my first 5K before my 10th wedding anniversary (Aug. 23rd). I ended up running two 5K's before I turned 32 (July 28th). Ran a third in Nov.! It helped me tremendously. It felt good wanting to do something and succeeding at it with hard work!
We lost our Saint Bernard in in Nov. 2013. It was really, really difficult putting her down. She lost all function in her legs. It was one of the worst moments in my life that I will never, ever forget. Some time passed and Scott tells me he is ready to start process of adoption (Gracie's passing had a lot to do with his readiness to adopt). We explore 3 agencies and choose NOAS- Northeast Ohio Adoption Service. We choose to adopt older child because
A. Adopting an infant from private agency is expensive. REALLY EXPENSIVE! and
B. If I wanted an infant (which I kept saying I didn't) I would just go back to RE and that was something I was not willing to do- financially or emotionally.
Scott and I spent pretty much all weekends in March 2014 taking 36 hours of pre-placement adoption classes. Here they prepare you for parenting an adopted child and explain what kind of situations/circumstances these kids come from and how they might act out because of these situations. It wasn't fun. Not fun at all. After classes were over we set up our first home study visit. Our appointed social worker came one morning in May. We talked, she handed us a mountain of paperwork, she toured the house, etc. and we rescheduled our 2nd visit for a few weeks later. After she left I had a epic melt down. I thought to myself. I'm not cut out for this! I feel like I'm crazy for doing this! What if I'm making a huge mistake? What if I'm going to ruin my marriage? What if I'm going to expose Carter to dangerous, explicit behaviors?
I thought of all these questions before this home visit and they never stopped me from moving forward with the adoption but now they were.
I also felt like going back to the RE and putting my feet in stirrups would be less invasive than the process of conducting a family assessment/home study. Something just didn't feel right. So I called our worker and was honest. She was really sweet and appreciative of my honesty with her. I told her we contemplating going back to RE. She understood, didn't make me feel guilty/bad, wished us luck and said she will be there if and when we ready.
Through all this- Scott and I are on same page. This is why he is my best friend. We come to conclusion that we are never going to be 100% ready to adopt until we do IVF. I am almost 33. We don't have tons of time. There are risks with both Adoption and IVF. At this point in our lives we would rather take the IVF risk. We both yearn to see another creation of our love for one another.
OK. Now what? Rob a bank? How the heck are we coming up with the money for IVF???? I know! I know! Remember this commercial a long time ago?"...up to my eyeballs". This is how we feel about trying to grow our family.
Bottom line is here: NO amount of money is worth our happiness or piece of mind. I would of paid 4x's the amount I spent to get Carter here.
$15,000 is my lifetime (I WILL live to 100) is just a "dent", a "bump", a "hiccup". But right now on June 12, 2014- it feels like Mount Everest! And I'm really nervous to climb!
We lost our Saint Bernard in in Nov. 2013. It was really, really difficult putting her down. She lost all function in her legs. It was one of the worst moments in my life that I will never, ever forget. Some time passed and Scott tells me he is ready to start process of adoption (Gracie's passing had a lot to do with his readiness to adopt). We explore 3 agencies and choose NOAS- Northeast Ohio Adoption Service. We choose to adopt older child because
A. Adopting an infant from private agency is expensive. REALLY EXPENSIVE! and
B. If I wanted an infant (which I kept saying I didn't) I would just go back to RE and that was something I was not willing to do- financially or emotionally.
Scott and I spent pretty much all weekends in March 2014 taking 36 hours of pre-placement adoption classes. Here they prepare you for parenting an adopted child and explain what kind of situations/circumstances these kids come from and how they might act out because of these situations. It wasn't fun. Not fun at all. After classes were over we set up our first home study visit. Our appointed social worker came one morning in May. We talked, she handed us a mountain of paperwork, she toured the house, etc. and we rescheduled our 2nd visit for a few weeks later. After she left I had a epic melt down. I thought to myself. I'm not cut out for this! I feel like I'm crazy for doing this! What if I'm making a huge mistake? What if I'm going to ruin my marriage? What if I'm going to expose Carter to dangerous, explicit behaviors?
I thought of all these questions before this home visit and they never stopped me from moving forward with the adoption but now they were.
I also felt like going back to the RE and putting my feet in stirrups would be less invasive than the process of conducting a family assessment/home study. Something just didn't feel right. So I called our worker and was honest. She was really sweet and appreciative of my honesty with her. I told her we contemplating going back to RE. She understood, didn't make me feel guilty/bad, wished us luck and said she will be there if and when we ready.
Through all this- Scott and I are on same page. This is why he is my best friend. We come to conclusion that we are never going to be 100% ready to adopt until we do IVF. I am almost 33. We don't have tons of time. There are risks with both Adoption and IVF. At this point in our lives we would rather take the IVF risk. We both yearn to see another creation of our love for one another.
OK. Now what? Rob a bank? How the heck are we coming up with the money for IVF???? I know! I know! Remember this commercial a long time ago?"...up to my eyeballs". This is how we feel about trying to grow our family.
Bottom line is here: NO amount of money is worth our happiness or piece of mind. I would of paid 4x's the amount I spent to get Carter here.
$15,000 is my lifetime (I WILL live to 100) is just a "dent", a "bump", a "hiccup". But right now on June 12, 2014- it feels like Mount Everest! And I'm really nervous to climb!
Monday, March 11, 2013
The beginning of the end. March 2013
I really thought I was pregnant. I had and felt so many strange symptoms. I'm assuming now it was all because of my borderline over stimulation. I knew on Thursday something was wrong
And/or I began to feel "not pregnant" anymore. I tested at home and it was positive. I went and got blood drawn and then Scott and I waited patiently all day for my blood test results. Around 2PM or so the nurse called and said the words I just felt she was going to say "it was negative." So the home test was a false positive due to Hcg (trigger shot) left in my system. Nurse told me to go back and get drawn again on Saturday to confirm the negative result.
My coping started on Thursday. And I surprisingly feel like I've done well until last night. I had a small meltdown (wine induced). I just don't know if I'm ever going to be 100% OK. I don't think I will. I will always fee a bit "broken" inside. I will always feel a little jealous of others who are able to grow their family. And I don't even want to think about Carter seriously asking me for a brother or sister. He has said it before but I don't think he really understood what he was saving. I don't know?
It honestly feels like we are dealing with a death in the family. That's how to mood is in the house. There's nothing we can do. We just try to move on best we can. We rely on each other for comfort and support, we try and distract each other.
We are selling all of Carter's baby equipment/toys. I already cleaned and piled everything in basement. I get my moments where I think I shouldn't get rid of everything but deep down I know it's the right choice. I "de babied" everything I could in this house. It's time to move on.
What a ride its been!!!! Almost 8 years of trying to get pregnant. Crazy! Ready to move on! Ready to enjoy my life once again. Ready to not wear the huge "I" on my forehead.
This blog had helped me tremendously throughout the years. And although I just brought it back to life recently, it's time to pack it away with all the other reminders of my "baby years". I will always have a place in my heart for those women/couples who have trouble conceiving. Especially with an "Unexplained" diagnosis. I will forever thank God for the miracle boy in my life. I told Scott on Saturday "I really don't understand where Carter came from?" I seems like nothing short of a true miracle for me to get and stay pregnant and then for him to survive my bowel obstruction when I was just 12 weeks pregnant.... A true, true miracle he is. And I will remind him until the day I die.
Scott told that when he was praying during the treatments before we had the IUI- he prayed it would work only if my body could handle the pregnancy. Now, on one hand I thought to myself my body is strong- it survived alot already- I can handle another labor and delivery! But looking back there was a chance for multiples (up to 4 this time) and I'm sure there was a chance of getting another bowel obstruction.
Point being- If this is the reason, the answer- I agree- I don't want to spend one second on this earth without Scott. I know God knows that. He is my partner. My true other half. And Carter just makes life that much more perfect!
Farewell blog! Thanks for listening.
P.S. Carter- when you old enough to read this. I love you more than words can say. I thought, dreamed and prayed for you the moment I met your Dad. You complete us 100%. You are my monkey butt, my boo, my hero. XOXOXO
And/or I began to feel "not pregnant" anymore. I tested at home and it was positive. I went and got blood drawn and then Scott and I waited patiently all day for my blood test results. Around 2PM or so the nurse called and said the words I just felt she was going to say "it was negative." So the home test was a false positive due to Hcg (trigger shot) left in my system. Nurse told me to go back and get drawn again on Saturday to confirm the negative result.
My coping started on Thursday. And I surprisingly feel like I've done well until last night. I had a small meltdown (wine induced). I just don't know if I'm ever going to be 100% OK. I don't think I will. I will always fee a bit "broken" inside. I will always feel a little jealous of others who are able to grow their family. And I don't even want to think about Carter seriously asking me for a brother or sister. He has said it before but I don't think he really understood what he was saving. I don't know?
It honestly feels like we are dealing with a death in the family. That's how to mood is in the house. There's nothing we can do. We just try to move on best we can. We rely on each other for comfort and support, we try and distract each other.
We are selling all of Carter's baby equipment/toys. I already cleaned and piled everything in basement. I get my moments where I think I shouldn't get rid of everything but deep down I know it's the right choice. I "de babied" everything I could in this house. It's time to move on.
What a ride its been!!!! Almost 8 years of trying to get pregnant. Crazy! Ready to move on! Ready to enjoy my life once again. Ready to not wear the huge "I" on my forehead.
This blog had helped me tremendously throughout the years. And although I just brought it back to life recently, it's time to pack it away with all the other reminders of my "baby years". I will always have a place in my heart for those women/couples who have trouble conceiving. Especially with an "Unexplained" diagnosis. I will forever thank God for the miracle boy in my life. I told Scott on Saturday "I really don't understand where Carter came from?" I seems like nothing short of a true miracle for me to get and stay pregnant and then for him to survive my bowel obstruction when I was just 12 weeks pregnant.... A true, true miracle he is. And I will remind him until the day I die.
Scott told that when he was praying during the treatments before we had the IUI- he prayed it would work only if my body could handle the pregnancy. Now, on one hand I thought to myself my body is strong- it survived alot already- I can handle another labor and delivery! But looking back there was a chance for multiples (up to 4 this time) and I'm sure there was a chance of getting another bowel obstruction.
Point being- If this is the reason, the answer- I agree- I don't want to spend one second on this earth without Scott. I know God knows that. He is my partner. My true other half. And Carter just makes life that much more perfect!
Farewell blog! Thanks for listening.
P.S. Carter- when you old enough to read this. I love you more than words can say. I thought, dreamed and prayed for you the moment I met your Dad. You complete us 100%. You are my monkey butt, my boo, my hero. XOXOXO
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Catching up! 2008 to present
Aside from the zillion other things that have changed in my life since 2008 (all for the better I may add!) Unfortunately, infertility wise- not much has changed. In the summer of 2011 we went back to RE office where we had Carter and had a consult with the Dr. about our treatment options for a 2nd child. The visit did not go well. I was hurt by comments made by the Dr. and his disapproval of an infertility support group I began back in 2009. i was also hurt by comment made by the nurse suggesting I didn't go through alot the first time. In my mind I thought- I really don't think it matters if I went through 1 month of being at an RE's office or 6 years- it still feels like failure when you need help doing what should come natural. What should happen in privacy of your bedroom not a sterile Dr.'s office. And what shouldn't cost you thousands and thousands of dollars. Anyway.... We both go tested again because that is the only thing our insurance would cover. Scott's test came back normal and my HSG (dye test) came back normal as well. We put it all on back burner for a while because without insurance coverage for drugs or monitoring we didn't see how we would swing doing this all over again.
Fast forward to Fall 2012. With no luck thus far and our adoption views not the same we decided to visit the Dr. once more. Our old RE moved his practice and is no longer local. I found out from a woman I am now friends with from the infertility group I started that there is a new RE office with a group of RE's in our old RE's office. Their main office in Akron but they are in Canfield too. Reproductive Endocrinology, Inc. I call and make consult and we go in on Oct. 31, 2012. I told Dr. we were trying to decide whether to do injections/IUI (what worked with Carter) or just go for it-and do IVF. He took time with us, answered all of our questions and was willing to let me take control of my treatment decisions with I appreciated. Money wise IVF too expensive. At least 14K. The odds of success higher and I would of done this no problem if my miracle baby wasn't in my life yet but it didn't make sense for us. So we opted for injectibles/IUI again. I mentioned I was on an antagonist when i got pregnant with Carter (prevents early ovulation) and said I'd like to do this again and Dr. agreed to do that.
So, before we started treatment I got an SIS Saline Infused Ultrasound to make sure my uterus looked good- and it did- So we started our very expensive 1st round of FSH with IUI in Dec. 2012. Since I was paying for all of the out of pocket the nurse suggested I tried one month without the antagonist, because it is expensive. So I agreed. Well.... I started to ovulated early (we "think"). I found this out via a home OPK test. So the IUI was scheduled right after I got that positive on my OPK. I did not trigger my ovualtion we just tried to cover our bases with the IUI and regular sex. I knew my follicles were too small though. Odds were stacked against us for that cycle plus my Aunt got extremely ill and it was just an overall hard time emotionally for us. I had tiny hope it would work but it didn't.
In order to pay for these treatments we sold my Equinox and leased a Malibu. So we had a chunk of money to use for a baby. Now after the IUI didn't work and my Aunt got placed on life support in ICU our well pump broke at our house and we used half of our "baby money" to replace it. Wit's end i tell ya!!! One more time Scott and I said. One more time! That's all we can handle.
I had to skip January due to cyst on my ovary from all the FSH. So Feb rolls around, cyst gone and I'm ready to go. I make sure the Dr. office agrees and orders me the antagonist. All went well, took the FSH, took the antagonist, took the trigger, and Scott had his best count ever for the IUI. Odds are stacked for us this time! Our LAST time with an RE! IUI was Sunday Feb. 26, 2013. And I am taking a HPT this Sunday March 10th. All of this is strangely 1 week before we were inseminated with Carter (March 4, 2008).
If this works I am convinced I have discovered my explanation or my unexplained infertility. My egg is releasing too early from my follicle and it is not mature enough to fertilize/develop. This explains why I got pregnant with Carter and possibly why I miscarried too. Who knows? I really don't need an answer because Carter is here and because no matter what happens on Sunday I have the best husband, partner, best friend, supporter in the world- Scott. He saves me and as long as I have him and Carter by my side I will survive!
Fast forward to Fall 2012. With no luck thus far and our adoption views not the same we decided to visit the Dr. once more. Our old RE moved his practice and is no longer local. I found out from a woman I am now friends with from the infertility group I started that there is a new RE office with a group of RE's in our old RE's office. Their main office in Akron but they are in Canfield too. Reproductive Endocrinology, Inc. I call and make consult and we go in on Oct. 31, 2012. I told Dr. we were trying to decide whether to do injections/IUI (what worked with Carter) or just go for it-and do IVF. He took time with us, answered all of our questions and was willing to let me take control of my treatment decisions with I appreciated. Money wise IVF too expensive. At least 14K. The odds of success higher and I would of done this no problem if my miracle baby wasn't in my life yet but it didn't make sense for us. So we opted for injectibles/IUI again. I mentioned I was on an antagonist when i got pregnant with Carter (prevents early ovulation) and said I'd like to do this again and Dr. agreed to do that.
So, before we started treatment I got an SIS Saline Infused Ultrasound to make sure my uterus looked good- and it did- So we started our very expensive 1st round of FSH with IUI in Dec. 2012. Since I was paying for all of the out of pocket the nurse suggested I tried one month without the antagonist, because it is expensive. So I agreed. Well.... I started to ovulated early (we "think"). I found this out via a home OPK test. So the IUI was scheduled right after I got that positive on my OPK. I did not trigger my ovualtion we just tried to cover our bases with the IUI and regular sex. I knew my follicles were too small though. Odds were stacked against us for that cycle plus my Aunt got extremely ill and it was just an overall hard time emotionally for us. I had tiny hope it would work but it didn't.
In order to pay for these treatments we sold my Equinox and leased a Malibu. So we had a chunk of money to use for a baby. Now after the IUI didn't work and my Aunt got placed on life support in ICU our well pump broke at our house and we used half of our "baby money" to replace it. Wit's end i tell ya!!! One more time Scott and I said. One more time! That's all we can handle.
I had to skip January due to cyst on my ovary from all the FSH. So Feb rolls around, cyst gone and I'm ready to go. I make sure the Dr. office agrees and orders me the antagonist. All went well, took the FSH, took the antagonist, took the trigger, and Scott had his best count ever for the IUI. Odds are stacked for us this time! Our LAST time with an RE! IUI was Sunday Feb. 26, 2013. And I am taking a HPT this Sunday March 10th. All of this is strangely 1 week before we were inseminated with Carter (March 4, 2008).
If this works I am convinced I have discovered my explanation or my unexplained infertility. My egg is releasing too early from my follicle and it is not mature enough to fertilize/develop. This explains why I got pregnant with Carter and possibly why I miscarried too. Who knows? I really don't need an answer because Carter is here and because no matter what happens on Sunday I have the best husband, partner, best friend, supporter in the world- Scott. He saves me and as long as I have him and Carter by my side I will survive!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Over 4 years later- New job, new house but one thing remains the same...
Well here's a picture of that miracle boy that was born about 3 weeks after my last post! Carter Scott 11/21/2008. He is 4 years old and an amazing, sweet, hilarious miracle child!!! Life has been so wonderful with him in it! I was an exclusive stay at home mommy until about a year ago when an opportunity arose for me to go back to work part time doing administrative work at an Engineering office. I took the job and I love it! It was refreshing using other parts of my brain again :) Lots of Reproductive Endocrinology stuff to catch up on but here's the short of it. We went off all forms of birth control when Carter was about 7 months. Then we started "really" trying a bit before he turned 3. Then started with a new RE office (Dr. Hecht's no longer local) a bit before Carter turned 4. We went straight to injections/IUI. We are currently in the 2 week wait on our last and final medicated cycle. We are out of money and emotions! We test in about 5 days to see if Carter will be an only child or not. More dets to follow but was excited to post to my blog again!!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
I just can't believe it.
As the days get near to the birth of our first child I'm just still in shock we got pregnant and he is almost with us. It's so surreal. I wonder if every new mom feels this way... I think back to the endless tries and attempts to create this miracle. Maybe we were interfering with our "plan" from God, maybe we were suppose to go to the lengths we did. I will never know and that is just fine with me. I don't regret a single test. procedure, dollar spent, or tear shed. It was all worth it and I will soon hold our miracle baby in my arms and never let him forget how special, wanted and loved he is.
I have so may emotions running through me right now. I just want a safe delivery and I want Scott to stay calm. The way he worries about us is so sweet. He asks me at least 15 times a day if I'm OK as a grunt and moan when I try to get up from the couch or feel a little cramp or pain. He's going to such a great dad! I already know how wonderful of a husband he is!!
3 weeks to go tomorrow! Tomorrow I am considered full term (37 weeks) and it also election day! I have been going to the Dr. on a weekly basis for a few weeks now. Last week I was contracting 2-5 mins. apart but wasn't feeling anything. Still not dilated. We will see what happens today. I am having some cramping today but nothing out of the ordinary for me. Childbirth classes also start this evening. I am anxious for Scott to get to know Tammy (midwife) like I do. Well that's all for now! One day at a time!!!! (Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath...)
I have so may emotions running through me right now. I just want a safe delivery and I want Scott to stay calm. The way he worries about us is so sweet. He asks me at least 15 times a day if I'm OK as a grunt and moan when I try to get up from the couch or feel a little cramp or pain. He's going to such a great dad! I already know how wonderful of a husband he is!!
3 weeks to go tomorrow! Tomorrow I am considered full term (37 weeks) and it also election day! I have been going to the Dr. on a weekly basis for a few weeks now. Last week I was contracting 2-5 mins. apart but wasn't feeling anything. Still not dilated. We will see what happens today. I am having some cramping today but nothing out of the ordinary for me. Childbirth classes also start this evening. I am anxious for Scott to get to know Tammy (midwife) like I do. Well that's all for now! One day at a time!!!! (Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath...)
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