It's been about a month since the D&C and I am very proud of myself. I managed to stay positive (most of the time) and not think about getting pregnant (most of the time) Ive been going out alot and I am continuing my exercising and that keeps my mind occupied which is definitely what I need but... I have my moments. Moments when reality slaps me in the face and I get a wave of anger, sadness and shock. "I can't believe I had a miscarriage" I will say to Scott all of a sudden sometimes... its still so shocking to me. Then I will think "I could of been almost 11 weeks pregnant right now" "I cant believe I was pregnant and it was just taken from me- gone- just like that" Its so damn frustrating and its just not fair. I have to stop myself right there because it drives me crazy and triggers all the pain again. I usually can pull myself out of this mind frame and once again I find strength I never knew I had left inside of me to keep on going- to accept what happened- put it in the past- and be thankful for all that i have now.
Scott has been wonderful as always... He is such a good man, husband and provider. I couldn't ask for a better partner and best friend. I think this summer is going to be our best yet. We are looking forward to all the cookouts, parties, concerts and just being together. My luck *hopefully* is changing in a professional aspect. Ive had a really good job interview and I am excited about the possible change. Doing what I do now is not helpful. I have LOTS of free time to think, think, think and the pay is no where near what I am capable of making... But I put my work life on hold because I thoughts things were going to be different. Work was definitely not my priority and now I am ready to make it my priority. I want to be busy and I want to feel like my job is important and on my level of what i know I'm capable of. i want to be challenged and busy and most of all I want a salary worthy of my skills and knowledge and potential. My fingers are crossed! This new job will be a wonderful change for me.
I hope the pieces are finally starting to fall into place for me. Pray, pray pray!!
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