Year #1

Since I was the first one of my friends to get married- I never really knew anyone trying to get pregnant- let alone getting married. Its funny how when I was high school and then college I did everything in God's green earth NOT to get pregnant before I was married, even after I was married-I didn't want to get pregnant until it was "perfect timing" So we waited until our 2nd wedding anniversary in the summer of 2005. I was very naive and thought- I am young, in good health- so is my husband so I will get pregnant right away. Being the prepared, organized person that I am- I scheduled a consult with my nurse/midwife right before we "officially started" and she explained to me natural family planning- like how to chart your basal body temperature and check for other signs of ovulation/fertility. I was ready, i was prepared and I just knew I would be pregnant by Christmas '05. Now that would of been nice.... but it wasn't that easy for us and I've been dealing with the reality ever since.
The first few months were disappointing but it got worse- alot worse. I was trying everything possible to increase my chances of conceiving. Any wives tale or suggestion I heard that worked for someone else- I tried. The Robitussin, the baby aspirin, the ovulation kits, the standing on the head, vigil to St. Gerard, the temping, warning- tmi (too much information) coming up... the cervix position and mucus, the saliva kit, the pre seed, the "get drunk and do it" method. Why didn't anything work???By month #6 I thought (no, I knew) there HAD to be something wrong. I started to stress out and get depressed and more and more sensitive. I started to read books and stories on infertility and trying to conceive. I remember reading "The Conception Conronicles" which is a book that follows a woman through her journey of trying to conceive and what tests and treatments she goes through with a RE (reproductive endocrinologist) and I remember thinking- "Gosh I cant believe what this woman had to go through- I wont have to go to these lengths to get pregnant- she is going through the worse case scenario- I better stop reading this or I'm going to freak myself out" Now I look back and think- I shouldn't of stopped reading that book because I've almost had the same exact experience that I thought would never ever happen to me...
Every month I would analyze what was going on in my body- every quirk and pain I felt- every rumble of my stomach and every weird "possible symptom" I would get. "My face is breaking out" (maybe I'm pregnant) "My boobs hurt" (maybe I'm pregnant) "I'm tired" (maybe I'm pregnant) "I'm emotional and moody" (maybe I'm pregnant) and on and on and on.... By month #9 i wanted to see a fertility specialist. Each month I felt like I couldn't do it- I just couldn't handle one more negative pregnancy test. But I did and still am.
Around month #9 I went to see my nurse/midwife and I told her how I was feeling and how much trying to get pregnant was affecting my life. She kindly told me to ".... give it to God...lay it on His Alter... its out of your hands and in His now..." She also explained to me (again) that its normal for a healthy couple not to get pregnant for a year or so. Still in my head I thought- I'm not one of those women who cant get pregnant just because....there has to be a medical reason. I reluctantly agreed to wait until the one year mark and then see the specialist she refers her patients to. After that appointment I did go home and try to give it to God and trust Him, Believe in Him, and have Faith in Him. By month #12- that plan had really backfired.